I Was Your Clown
by NorthernDownpour01
Summary: Storybrooke's nuns organize a karaoke fundraiser. Sillyness insues. David/Leroy bromance, and some Redcricket. Have character/pairing you'd like to see sing? Send in a request. Nothing is too cracky. Very AU. Currently featuring GoldenQueen
1. Chapter 1

David didn't know why he was here. Okay, that was a lie. He knew why he was here, but he didn't know why he came. Mary Margaret had made it perfectly clear she wanted nothing to do with him, and yet here he was, sitting in the back of the bar just watching her.

"You look pathetic." David turned slightly in his chair and saw Leroy plop down next to him, watching Ruby Lucas on the stage singing a song he didn't recognize. Leroy appeared to already be drunk, or close to it.

"Um...I'm sorry?" David furrowed his brow together, but Leroy wasn't paying him any attention.

"Can't say I'm any better. You pinin' after Mary Margaret, and me coming to see Sister Astrid. Still...the view ain't bad."

Ruby finished the song and wiggled her way down, sitting next to Mary Margaret and Ashley Boyd.

"Okay! Who is next?" Astrid asked in her cheerful, nervous way. No one volunteered, they barely moved. It was like she was the teacher asking for the answer to a particularly difficult math problem and no one wanted to admit they knew the answer. David had no inclination to volunteer. Like Leroy had said, he was only here for the view.

Astrid's gaze fell on Leroy. "Leroy! Leroy, will you sing?"

"I ain't no singer, sister!" He yelled back, but he had a dopey grin on his face. He was going to do it the same way David would if it had been Mary Margaret asking.

"Please?" She begged.

"Fine, but he's my partner. Pick us out a nice duet."

"I don't have a two male duet," Astrid told him.

"That's alright. Just give us whatcha got."

"Uh, no, I am not singing," David said in hushed tones as Leroy motioned for him to get out of his chair.

"Of course you are. Why else would you be here?"

David looked up and saw Mary Margaret watching him though she was trying to make it look like she wasn't. It was that look that gave him hope that he could win her back.

"Fine," David smiled. Everyone was watching him anyway; it would be pointless to back out now.

"I have 'Don't Go Breakin' My Heart,'" Astrid told them. Leroy was still smiling that dopey smile.

"It's perfect."

The music started and Astrid put a microphone in his hand. No. David was not a good singer. The words were on the screen and of course Leroy took the male part.

"Don't go breakin' my heart," he sang. David was thankful, Leroy's voice was much worse than his.

"I couldn't if I tried," he sang back as the crowd began to chuckle.

"Oh honey if I get restless-"

"Baby you're not that kind." When David sang that the entire bar began laughing, including Mary Margaret. Leroy seemed to be getting into it, although that might just be the alcohol. Regardless, David decided to give back as much as he got.

"Right to the stars-"

"I gave you my heart-" David dropped to his knees in front of Leroy at that line. Leroy put his hand over his heart and smiled at David as the continued to sing. David was trying to keep the laughter out of his voice, but they made a good pair. Leroy acted the masculine part, something he didn't do extremely well but David was even worse at being feminine, even with his voice pitched higher to sound slightly girly. As girly as he could sound, anyway. He tried to keep his eyes away from Mary Margaret because when he looked at her and saw her smiling he got nervous and messed up one of his lines.

"When I was down-" Leroy sang, making his voice deeper and rougher than it already was.

"I was your clown."

"WOO OOH!" They sang together and the bar erupted in laughter. Even Mother Superior was chuckling and Mr. Gold had cracked a smile. In fact, the only person not enjoying the show was Regina who had come to make sure the fundraiser went off without a hitch.

David and Leroy began singing in unison, as the prompter demanded, "DON'T GO BREAKING MY, DON'T GO BREAKING MY, I WON'T GO BREAKING YOUR HEART!"

The song ended and the both took a bow, Leroy almost pitching off the stage in the process. David steadied him and they both walked down. Astrid met them at the bottom, hugging them both.

"You were amzing!" She gushed. Leroy blushed.

"Aw, it was nothin', sister."

She smiled again and then was back on the stage asking for more volunteers. This time she had better luck, it seemed Leroy and David had loosened it up for everyone.

David had had enough for the night, and decided to head back to his empty house. He didn't want to spend any more time watching Mary Margaret without being able to talk to her. Still, he took one last look at her before walking out and was rewarded with a shy smile.

It made the entire night worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Someone said I should do other characters and I liked that idea. So here is a little Redcricket. Have a request? Send me a PM or write a review and I'll make it happen. Anything cracky is welcomed.**

"This is your chance," Ashley whispered to Ruby. Ruby licked her lips nervously and chanced a glance over at Archie Hopper sitting two tables away with Marco and August Booth.

"I can't," she hissed back.

"You can and you will," Ashley told her, a gleam in her eyes, "Because I put your name in."

"Ruby Lucas?" Nova's nervous voice cut through Ashley and Ruby's conversation. Ruby looked up at the brown-haired nun and prepared to object but before she could several cheers echoed around her. She turned her head and saw Archie smiling at her as he said, "Go Ruby!" She knew he was being supportive, but something in her caused her to rise to her feet and walk on the stage.

She knew what people expected of her, something sexy and sultry, that'd she dance around and sashay her hips. She leaned over to Nova and whispered, "Do you have Dark Side, by Kelly Clarkson?"

Nova flipped through her computer quickly while Ruby tugged on her shirt slightly. She wasn't self-conscious, not really, but she was singing this to the doctor, even if he didn't know it, and wanted him to hear her words instead of fixate on her body.

"Yep!" Nova handed her a microphone as the music started.

"Go Ruby!" Ashley shouted, a wolfish grin on her face. Ruby smiled and swept her eyes over the bar quickly. For some reason Mr. Gold caught her eye, standing there with a glass of amber liquid, his eyes far away.

Words scrolled on the screen and Ruby opened her mouth and began to sing, "There's a place that I know, it's not pretty there and few have ever gone. If I show it to you now will it make you run away? Or will you stay?"

She couldn't look at Archie so she kept her gaze on Mr. Gold for the moment. He wasn't paying any attention to her anyway, his eyes glassy and she wondered if her words struck a chord with him.

She wasn't used to hearing her voice echo around her and it felt strange. No one seemed to be running for the hills so she continued, her voice gaining more confidence. "Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's a picture perfect, but we're worth it. You know that we're worth it. Will you love me? Even with my dark side?"

She looked down at Ashley who promptly shot her a thumbs up. She couldn't help but smile as she chanced a glance at Archie. She expected to see him talking with his friends or laughing. Instead she found his light colored eyes intensely focused on her, his face serious. The smile slid off her face but she didn't look away and she didn't stop singing.

"Don't run away, don't run away. Just promise me you will stay. Promise me you will stay."

All her cards were on the table now. Their eyes were locked and he knew. She was singing this to him and he knew it. His face was unreadable and for the first time in her life she was scared of a man. She was afraid he didn't want her, that he would reject her.

Still, she kept singing, refusing to look away. "Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's a picture perfect, but we're worth it, you know that we're worth it. Will you love me? Even with my dark side? Don't run away, don't run away. Don't run away. Promise you'll stay."

The music ended and Ruby took a deep breath, looking down at her heeled feet. People were clapping and cheering which was a good sign. She grabbed her glass from her table and downed it quickly. "I need another drink."

She stood at the bar and exhaled loudly, preparing to ask the bartender for a refill when a voice at her elbow spoke up. "You sing beautifully."

She looked up to see Archie looking at her earnestly.

"Thank you," she smiled.

"Really, with passion and a lot of feeling."

She smiled. "Archie, can I buy you a drink?"

He smiled back. "Only if the round after that is on me."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This was a request, although I have to admit I ship woodenswan pretty hard. I have some Regina/Gold in the works but if you have anyone/anything/song, let me know. It doesn't have to be a duet it can be a solo or a group shindig.

Emma was not what you would call the singing type. She was barely a people person to begin with, but when the nuns had come to her and told her about their little fundraiser, Emma had somehow been roped into singing. She didn't know how it had happened. One minute she had been sitting there offering to donate money and the next minute her name was on a list of people singing. Now she was sitting here, watching others embarrass themselves as she drank deeply into her beer.

"So, I hear you're up next."

Emma looked up and saw that August had sat down across from her smirking at her obvious discomfort.

"Yeah? What do you want?"

"I'm here to make you an offer," he leaned forward conspiratorially.

"What's that?"

"I'll go up there with you, if you let me pick the song."

"Oh no. I am not singing Britney Spears."

August put his hand over his heart in mock hurt. "I'm more of an X-Tina fan."

Emma's lip twitched. "I can see that."

"Oh come on. Let me do this with you. It will be fun."

Emma settled back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. "Maybe. What do you want to sing?"

He smiled at her. "Ever heard of A Day To Remember?"

Emma looked at him blankly. "Will there be words on the screen?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Then does it matter?"

"Well you don't want to butcher the song."

"Look, I could sing 'row your boat' and butcher it. Let's just get this over with."

When the nun called Emma's name, August jumped up quickly and whispered to the nun. Astrid, for her part, seemed delighted to have another duet and gladly found their song. The beginning acoustic notes started which Emma recognized. She felt awkward, watching everyone stare at her, but took a deep breath and looked over at August. He seemed so at ease, it made her feel slightly better about all this.

"Hey darling. I hope you're good tonight," he began singing in a pleasant baritone. She had not expected him to be a good singer. "And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving. Yeah I want it but no I don't need it, tell me something sweet to get me by. Cause I can't come back home until they're singing la, la, la, la. La, la, la."

The crowd sang along with August when he began on the la's. Apparently the entire town knew this song.

"If you can wait 'til I get home. Then I swear to you that we could make this last."

This song felt kind of perfect for them for some reason. August was an enigma, someone she couldn't figure out, but that she trusted all the same. Even being up here on a stage in front of the entire town with him put her at ease. Something about him felt familiar, like they had known each other before.

Emma took a deep breath. "Hey sweetie. I need you here tonight." She heard loud cheering when she began to sing and August was staring at her, his mouth agape. Just because she didn't want to sing didn't mean she was a bad singer. "I just feel complete when you're by my side. But I know you can't come home 'til they're singing la, la, la, la. La, la, la."

They began singing together. "If you could wait 'til I get home, then I swear to you, we could make this last. If you can wait 'til I get then I swear come tomorrow this will all be in our past. Well it might be for the best."

It was Emma's turn again. She turned to face him and their eyes locked, and it was just like any other time they were together. "You know you can't give me what I need, and even though you mean so much to me, I can't wait through everything."

"Is this really happening? I swear I'll never be happy again. And don't you dare say we can just be friends, I'm not some boy that you can sway."

They both sang together, "We knew it'd happen eventually." It was intense, and Emma jumped when the entire bar began singing "LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA." August seemed just as surprised as her. Neither of them joined in for a moment, letting the crowd sing while they regained their composure.

"If you can wait 'til I get home then I swear we can make this last. If you can wait 'til I get home, then I swear we can make this last," Emma and August sang together before the music cut off. Everyone applauded and after a shaky moment they both handed back their microphones. August walked down the stage first, offering his hand to Emma which she gratefully accepted. Her beer was still sitting on the table untouched since she had abandoned it. She practically fell into her chair and gulped it down. August had a little more composure than Emma as he sat across from her, his eyes dark.

"Thank you," she said after a long moment. He nodded.

"I told you it would be...fun." He seemed to hesitate on the word fun, because it wasn't an apt description on what she had felt up there. She wasn't ready to talk to him about it so she just nodded again.

"I'm gonna go see Mary Margaret," she told him, getting up. He jumped up too.

"Yeah. I'll see you around."

She watched as he joined Marco at a table, their eyes meeting again for a brief moment before she took her seat next to Mary Margaret. Whatever August was, she was suddenly looking forward to figuring it out.


	4. Chapter 4

"Since no one is volunteering, we decided to draw names from a hat," Mother Superior said. She was smirking which meant she was up to no good. "And I have our first pairing. Our very own Mayor-"

Regina stood with a sugary smile and began to walk to the stage, hoping to get this over with quickly. The way the nun was smirking she knew her partner was going to be someone she loathed; Emma Swan perhaps?

"And Mr. Gold."

Gold looked up from the bar, his eyes narrowed to slits. "Absolutely-"

"How delightful," Regina said into a microphone. There was no way he was getting out of this. Everyone was participating, even Mr. Gold. He finally got out of his seat and walked slowly to the stage, his eyes locked with Regina's. She was enjoying this.

"I know just the song," she said, whispering to the DJ. "I'll go first. I believe you know this one."

Gold grumbled, sure if he didn't she could put the memory in his mind. He heard the sound of a xylophone and then Regina began to sing.

"Now and then I think of when we were together. Like when you said you felt so happy you could die. Told myself you were right for me, but it felt so lonely in your company. But that was love and it's an ache I still remember." She was staring right at him with intensity that it burned a little. He almost missed his part.

"You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness, like resignation to the end, always the end. So when we found that we could not make sense, well you said that we would still be friends, but I'll admit that I was glad that it was over."

"Did they...do they...?" Emma whispered to Mary Margaret, watching the awkward emotional intensity between Gold and Regina.

"God I hope not," Mary Margaret said back, feeling extremely uncomfortable. What had started out as a funny joke between the nuns had turned into an awkward situation the whole room was forced to sit through. Gold and Regina were singing the chorus together.

"I guess that I don't need that though. Now you're just somebody that I used to know." This song had been a mistake. Their love hate relationship was suddenly on display for all of Storybrooke to witness and Regina regretted it immensely. No one knew the real reason behind their intensity, the mentor mentee relationship they had had, but it was clear something had transpired between them once, at one point in their lives. The only real issue was people were going to think they had had some kind of romantic entanglement and she hated that.

"But I don't want to live that way," she sung to him with feeling, "Reading in to every word you say. You said that you could let it go and I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know!"

"But you didn't have to cut me off," they sang together, "Make it out like it never happened and we were nothing. And I don't even need your love but you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough. No you didn't have to stoop so low, have your friends collect your records and then change your number. I guess that I don't need though, now you're just somebody that I used to know."

The song was wrapping up and the intensity between them was ramping down. Gold was glad, the song felt like an accusation of some kind. He stepped back, glad to hear the song end and a smattering of applause. Everyone seemed afraid to make eye contact as he went back to his bar stool and Regina went back to her corner in the room. They made eye contact and then looked away again. He was going to pretend this night never happened. He hoped, for Storybrooke's sake, the people in the town did the same.


End file.
